Marie Cando and Cannot do

We live in a world where we watch, others watching .. watching stuff. My son watches videos of people telling alexa how to spell supercalifragilisticespi.... Its a thing .
We watch people getting new faces, new bodies new homes and even new husbands ... and dogs too ok not in that order

So Now we have a program called Tidying Up and Marie Kondo is a verb .. albeit not a happy one. Tidying up for me is procrastination. Emptying my recycle bin is always a good place to start . See this Marie mami hasnt met our mommies and mamis. My mother in law had diaries dating all the way back to 1979 . All blank . Why I asked ? You never know ? My mom has a collection of 20 mugs all from a brand of coffee we once had only for that reason. My mother's store room has only Horlicks jadis and mudis . Almost all bottles that have stood on that ledge have witnessed 3 generations of pickles , prickly fights and petty much more.
Have you ever taken food home from your mom's? The next day she will say .. If you have finished please return the dabba . Only that dabba has that cover that can do that thing.... Yes but its a box that came when Appa went in 1979 to London. That too .
See we dont give away . We keep. You never know when a 1989 Murugan calendar could be back the hit thing on your wall. You never know that a Nalli bag would be used. Hello now the manjai pai is that IT THING.
See if we all our pattis had Marie kondoed their armarais. How many afghan snow bottles filled with Patti smell would we have been lost ... Many many. How many mamis take Chanel No.5 fill it with Gulab water and spray 5 drops...? C'mon thats  cool

MY mother's jewellery collection is completely wrapped in wedding goodie bags . WE remember anniversaries only due to this reason. That necklace is in that Sundaram's bag 2-2-84 , All welcome with friends and family ... Ofcourse today is their anniversary.

Another thing our family collected are ponnadais. We give it away as Ethnic golden throw to unsuspecting foreigners . We make cushion covers, bags , the odd pavadai and ravikai !!
Now if we didnt keep it all safely in a hoarded nalli bag ?? Imagine .

My mother in law would bring back a suitcase full of empty dabbas from the USA. They throw nice full round dabbas with round tight fit muddis . These dabbas full size appalam we can keep. We had so many round fitting dabbas that we could have populated an Ikea store.My husband once suggested like a wine collection we have a dabba collection. This particular box circa 92 with lemon pickle topnotes ....


Now we call these Marie Kondo , Upcycle , recycle ... NO its not that .. WE keep for keepsake . Because you never know ....
Between Marie & Mami what wins?? 

Hashtag life

The #hashtag Life
 I say to my #babes#my man # moochie(no strike that ####)” You see all these weddings , I also want one Big hastagged #my life my wife kind of wedding. At this time my not so mooched husband says Oh is it that time of the month that makes you so so … Better not to commit to any adjective here . I say no we need relationship goals ,we need a hash tag. See Our names have too many vowels . What hashtag can we get from five lettered names filled with A’s . Only a phonetic digraph . AAAA See right there we have a problem. Look at Ranveer , he has matching clothes with Deepika . The only matching thing we have is I love Reykjavik bought from an airline coupon for mishandled luggage. That T shirt has been through more RPM’s in washing machines around the world that it almost resembles Iceland on a good day. Seeing that Progesterone to testosterone is 1-0 . Husband gains some volume. See , I need at least a month to grow moustache like Ranveer Singh . In that time I have to figure out beard shampoo, beard balm etc etc that you will get for me online. Then you will give me instructions on what to do with each product . Then I have to remember which thing goes where. The last time I was using body cream as soap .Much like a baby stroller that never opens in an one touch by a male hand but will open miraculously when a woman breathes near it. The first holiday as a parent the only thing I did was watching videos on how to open and close a stroller with one hand . I want to have a long veil with something apart from a laundry tag on it. I want my blouses to be eclectic ( I like that word . You just toss it and it #sounds made for you). Clothes meant for me as a person. Not a cut and paste job by A1 Ladies tailors, We make you a star in every fit ! But at least we can have a Lake Como wedding. Our wedding was by the Lake Cooum !!Truly! Almost same but very different # breathless… like you take my breath away. A credit card company recently eager to sell their product told us they arranged the Lake Como weddings. I was very excited not at the wedding per se but every spend abroad earns you double points in India. I could have a wedding every month. Imagine a wedding begets a wedding.#points for life for wife. Now my husband powered by the need to check the ping on his phone says. You see the person in you … is the kindest mother , the most aggressive garbage segregator. Every time at Starbucks you take a card to write and say NO to PLASTIC! An awesome baker , but will never allow me more than a piece. The funniest raconteur and the shyest person in a group . You can remember numbers, bank balances and take every decision but still you insist I should give the driver instructions to a place I don’t know. You order yourself flowers and chocolates and if I got you a gift you will giggle like a school girl. Tell me for which woman will this tailor make . Why all this photo & make up and beard . All wedding pictures will be filled with kids we didn’t know existed and many years later the only purpose they serve is to point out how tiny Babloo looked at our wedding. The best relationship goal is a bowl of good curd rice , Netflix and maybe matching T shirts … What to say … in the end Food solves all problems #curd rice rocks # cool system# cool marriage!

The Low Cost Air Bus

I recently boarded a flight chennai -delhi . Low cost everything, done electronically. The site kept asking me if I wanted to order a meal . Well I cant really decide if I need a sandwich one month from now. So I thought I will think about it. Its been a while since I travelled . It was my big solo flight after Akhil. So in between spit ups , keeping an infant from pushing keys (he jammed my dot key anyway which means.com is a whole new meaning for me) I bought my ticket.
After guilt pangs and trying to make a 7 month understand how much mummy loves him , the infant raised his hand when I said bye and that was it. Teary eyed mama drove off into the chennai airport .

After a 6 months of ba ba black sheep the chennai airport is a rude shock at 6 am. people in red mufflers, fresh malli poo and e tickets fight at the entrance. I remembered all this and got in . went through the check in and security after fighting with three ladies who thought we stood in a line to pass time. They were apparently shy to do security alone . By now I realised I had not lost my chennai touch . All motherhood and maternal feelings are nice with a seven month old , thrown into the real world the chennai citizen in me still lives.

So I sit at the gate reading a paper. Everyone around me is eating. Mamis had fresh idlis and chilli powder. Bengalis fresh from their Apollo hospital visits have tea in the hand. Gujratis had kakra. I could have managed a bowl of cerelac maybe. Everyone looked so fresh and clean. I looked sleepy , laptop , papers and bundled in. I took out my fleece and covered myself. I was off to Moscow so a 27C should not really deter me. Babies were squealing all dressed in great finery. My poor Akhil doesnt have such luck. He never gets such fine clothes. Pure cotton onesies and a pant if mama is in the mood.No black dots and threads to ward off evil eyes. Only T minic cough drops .

So we got on the Bus. One heavy duty vaadhyar boards. with a big naamam he could stop a plane in mid air with that symbol Lord Balaji ´s naamam maybe a tad smaller. the man is bare chested , but all neatly shaved or waxed . He takes out 2 Apple I phone 4 and talks to his clients. I am going to Delhi , cant come. Then to his mami . Enna di airport vandachu.
Then comes THE FAMILY. father mother two kids. We reach the plane. Everyone wants to get in . Well if we have come so far , the plane will take all of us. But Indians like to be first so eevryone wants to get in first. So we go in. No place in overhead cabin already. The ladies have all taken out their tiffin boxes. One auntyji took out bread, spread amul butter and kissan jam and gave all the munna munnis on the flight. How did she manage to take a knife through security ? Well I guess between a blunt knife and a razor sharp tongue? The tongue won.

I realised someone was sitting on my seat. So I said Sir this is my seat. Three men got up. Shook three other men in the adjacent row. They discussed it for 5 minutes and the man sat in my seat again. I said Sir I have that seat. But madam this is also seat. Ok trading a middle seat for an aisle is a good trade off. So i sat with my hand bag and belonging under my leg. With smells of food wafting around I was now really hungry. As the flight took off , the meal service started. At 150 Rs for a sandwich I was dreaming of a fat enriched mayo dripping beautiful piece of cholestrol. When the cart came to our seat , I said could I get a sandwich. The steward a desi version of Zeus and his friend artemis says No maam we have no sandwiches. Ok cake? No ok what do u have. Cookies and cashews. Well why cant I have sandwiches? It got over. How can sandwiches get over? I dont mind non veg also. Maam today everyone decided to eat sandwiches. Ah so thats the official excuse. Everyone gets up and says today lets eat jet airways sandwich. So i take some bad cashewnuts and chew slowly. We have 2 hours of flight to kill.

The uncle adjacent to me has a Vivanta taj snack box. Which he keeps proudly on his tray table. in fact he even refused to fold it during take off lest the box goes through some stress. Out comes banana chips, one apple, one banana , one bottle water. after all this uncle reclines and decides to sleep. Uncle 2 behind him , who has a sri krishna sweets bag , lots of management books , one studious looking spectacle calls Artemis and says ask that man to push his seat. To which vivanta uncle says , i boarded this flight in kochi(explains banana chips) at 6 so i got up at 3 and drove to airport without morning tea , i reach delhi by 11 and reach home by only 12.30 so i am tired and need to sleep. but other uncle says go to hell and pushes from back. but vivanta uncle just snores through it.

While all this happens THE family comes into role. The baby is crying. Well she had been since we boarded. But by now she is howling . The mother just sits quiet and smiles benignly at us. the Uncle who lost the seat battle now wants to win the baby battle . He calls Artemis. Pls. ask baby to keep quiet. Artenmis says yes sir. Now I wanted to see how a child is going to take instructions from artemis and say oh sorry for crying I will just shut up . the crying reaches new heights. All the men in the near shake their heads . the women all mutter. the mother feeds her other child and husband with a wailing baby. This was a new skill for me. Everyone was looking at the lady . Me only a 7 month mom decided to plunge right in. Do you have a dummy? She looks at me strangely. Something to chew? Some milk or candy? Some cotton for the ears , a toy or board book? Having exhausted babycenter´s 10 tips for travelling with infants I sit back . Maybe I should hold the baby. But I think if only my husband was there to restrain me Well in a long time I dont smell of spit ups. Do I really want to chance a punjabi thali meal coming on my dress . I decide to shut up. After an hour , the father after eating his fill. slowly gets up and carries the toddler. the child looks really terrible. uncontrollable sobs , runny nose , cold feet . The father walks hesitantly and within seconds the child falls asleep. meanwhile two men in front pull out an ipad and place it in th tray table. I crane my neck , to see if any free movies are coming on. For my luck its his home video collection. Fat ladies dancing at home in front of a TV . Dadaji dadiji eating ladoo. Munna Munni dancing like movie stars . One munni singing . Oh god . first no food now no entertainment. I miss my akhil.

Atleast we land in 30 minutes . At this point jet airways gives out some scratch cards . Apparently they sell stuff no one needs on board and also have a scratch and win contest. In fine print it says pay only 699 for the pick up of the gift. Three auntyjis pull out their hairclips and start scratching. They all get same gifts. They call Artemis and complain. Stoic artemis explains in jet airways language we understand your disappoint but this is the contest. Anyway auntjis are happy. something free .

Soon we land at the posh delhi airport . The hostess says jet airways aapko delhi antarashtriya bla bla swaagath.... By now auntyjis cant wait for gift. they get up . Artemis says behto behto . Elderly auntyji says they will say that you go in front. But gravity takes care of evrything and small size aunty sits.

By now we can use mobiles . A hundred nokia tunes burst into the flight along with some chamak challo tunes and skanda shashti sthrotram( mr. vaadyar had logged in)
Some people had luggage all over the flight. they jump, signal and get in line. One man decides to jump in front. literally squeezing my hand. I wait patiently. My fellow passengers says madam please get up. I will but where do u want me to go. But they decide to plaster me to my seat and move. So I thought I better fight my way too . I stand and the man behind me mutters apparently he would get out one nano second after me. That is a long wait.

So we come out on to the luggage belt . the new airport looks excellent. Its full of people and food places. Screaming kids, tired mothers, angry mother in laws, cozy honeymooners with mehendi . Hundreds of people come to receive their guests . Its so nice to be in a posh indian airport !

I get into my car and drive to the hotel. Gurgaon looks impressive. At the hotel I am the only desi . Wow this is also India. Phoren kids in their sunday clothes quietly jumping on the bouncy castle while the parents eat oysters and sip champagne . The prices are steep , expat prices you see . Well I yearn for the airport samosa but now I will also be a posh desi , sip my virgin mojito and dig into my pak choy while watching pictures of akhil on my really cheap nokia ....

The Great Indian Room makeover

In our new Sub urban Chic avatars we bought Bauhaus tables , Roche bobois chaise lounges , the Shanghai Tang lamp and then decided to bring it in to our gated comm unties . First is to bring it in through the staircase so that all neighbours notice that you know habitat from ikea .After this globe trotter furniture orgy indulgence I asked Kalimuthu and Vairamuthu to put the furniture down , they scratched their heads which meant 20 rs tea money . One more scratch of the head meant Tea money at USD rates . See this is phoren furniture . If you can buy furniture that can scald your credit card , then the Muthu twosome should get some decent tea to go with it. The M brothers then ask Ma can we remove the plastic on the chairs ? Remove the plastic on the chairs ? NO NO . Aiya will do it later. Aiyah doing it later means it will never get done .

The Muthu brothers give me a look , this is what happens when women do men´s work.
So we have textured walls , state of the art furniture which we have no idea how they looked as they are all cocooned in bubble wrap. Every time guests come the bubble wrap is carefully folded , and the visitors are signalled to mount their backsides politely on the settee . When someone says very comfortable , just slides in. My husband looks at me. He would never know , all that he knows is when he gets comfortable the bubble wrap starts getting all bubbly and with a silent stern I look at him. We cant waste bubble wrap .

But not only our sofas get the plastic treatment my in laws ensure that the microwave is covered in plastic , the TV remote has so much plastic we sometimes don't know which channel we press. My 1995 camera and 2002 mobile phone still have the plastic stuck on to them with cello tape. The screen is cracked and the numbers doused in turmeric powder. Between A & D there are pieces of appalam that never come out but the screen is completely plastered.The Tv has a plastic cover and a cloth cover . My maid constantly covers the bathroom shelves with so much newspaper that my teeth turned whiter just reading the headlines from a 2 year old paper.

Then one day my husband says Oh you know our neighbours have this Roche bobois chair seems extremely comfortable , you should try it . I give him the look of Satan . What do you mean . I am the Roche Bobois woman of the community. We were the first ones to buy it. Remember we dragged it all the way up 3 floors . He said this bubble wrap thingy is that chair . So I decide gloves off and exhibit the brand new chair . No one dares sits on it though. So I decide to get the 3M combo of Kali, Vaira and carpenter Cheena Muthu. Cheen comes in takes a look and says Madam , idha Rocha chair a . In local material I can make it for 10000. So cheena does the job. 10000 and the Bobois local thambi is up and working. So now with our textured walls we have one chair in bubble wrap and the local thambi chair that looks as chic as the original next to it. By now local thambi has had his fill of rasam , sambar and full south Indian meals doused on it. The original Anna sits in the corner with the bubble wrap contemplating the little crudite that fell on his lap and was quickly cleaned with sofa rage and Bang off .

In a few years we may soon forget that the chair actually has a colour , and a life. My maid says this is the best chair in the room, that cleaning it is so easy . Yes cleaning bubble wrap must be easy. We have since sold the old bubble wrap , bought new bubble wrap by selling one months aaavin covers and English newspapers(they have more value)but removing the wrap completely takes a lot of courage and a change in our plastic coated DNA

Kutcheri besh besh

The Music season in chennai is slowly coming to its end. When RTp and Kaapi mix with malli and keerai vadai , chennai comes alive for a month of music.

I have been going to the Academy from the time when Nalli´s sent pavadais home on consignment basis and bodice pavadai with a big tuck was the in thing . As a seven year old it was mandatory that I went to all kutcheris at the Academy from 4 in the evening. The accompanying members would all change but I was the constant.
I would be asked to carry the program booklet , mark the ragams , put the thalams , keep the kanadis and reserve the seat with my kerchief . I didn't mind all this if in return I got my daily fix of pocorn and five star chocolate . The Academy canteen was taboo for me and I had not yet discovered that you could sneak in for a quick sugar fix.

Normally Patti would take me for the stellar kutcheris. Going with patti came with a lot of pre requisites. I had to wear the Nalli pavadai , hair in single jadai , December poo and jimkis. I had to sit and put all the thalams and identify ragams . In return Patti was very generous. When the RTp started she would open her money purse and give me a 5 rupee note for my goodies. The only painful job was if she spotted a diamond shining in any ear at a km radius she would ask for her kanadi and zoom in on the stone in question, I then had to walk by the mami and check 8 stone , open setting bling bling bling . But normally all the other pattis were busy doing the stone probe so it was not so bad.

Going with thatha was a terrible experience. Thatha would sleep so you had to keep putting thalam .... even during RTp. when the musician started ta nam tha , I could smell the popcorn in golden hues frothing over the machine .I would nudge thatha for my 5 rupees. Thatha would then start in the year 1930 I was in Loyola college 2 annas got me one dosa and coffee I would save one anna and keep it for my books .... and then would come the Wholesale price index of 1930 followed by the deterioration of moral values since . By now I had no appetite for popcorn and was happy thatha would go back to sleep and i could keep putting the thalam.

I remember attending Semangudi´s kutcheri once , when someone got up mid way through a song. The old maestro stopped singing and spoke into the mic sir you seem to be in a hurry we will wait. I was always scared that one day they would catch me with popcorn frothing at my mouth .... and patti could then say now we will see who in mylapore marries you.
Amma normally came with me for the dance program. Amma is strict in keeping traditions. So pavadai was just de rigeur , a gagra maybe .

Dance was always the glamour den. You had to be noticed and to be noticed you had to dazzle . But I liked the dances because the popcorn break came built in . They had clearly thought of people like me .

I was always fascinated at how some enthusiastic mama´s were . They would be fast asleep , and even snoring then suddenly get up at random and say bale , besh . The mami´s would always compliment with an inbuilt criticism . I felt the ragam was a bit superficial. The violin was a little loud. Mic was not ok . Some rasikas would read, some even do a sudoku now days . Some even try to talk to the musician , like saying reduce the mic, move back etc.

When I graduated from the Nalli´s bodice pavadai to the more femine pavadai davani my role in the kutcheri scene also evolved. See we had a cousin brother to be married . Rosapoo colour , well educated , dollar salary , respectful to parents , religious does sandhya vandanam in new york cold. In short hey mami catch him before he catches next door Mary or Susie.So we had to go for the kutchery even before the doors were opened. This was very important in marking out the prey . I was then asked to take a good look at all these girls . I had to file past and take a good look , diamonds tick , sari tick , homely looking tick . Who has she come with tick and also did I know her from school that was a major tick. Sometimes Patti had some preys already waiting . So at the appointed time me and my cousin had to walk past and pretend he was buying me popcorn and she would buy the same and looks could be exchanged. Later on I had to give the full nayaka nayaki avarum nokinan ... sanchari bhava to a rapt audience . Years later my husband confessed he had once been taken to a similar hunt . The only problem with this carefully laid out hunt is , he being who he is was seated in the front row . So all the preys ended up at the back . So he was asked to turn in a gradual natural motion and zoom in. He said every time he did , the mami behind would glare back at him . Somehow after this image of a stern Pattu mami glaring like a light house with diamonds on ear , nose and neck, fantasies of a bevy of good looking girls filing past were immediately squashed.

When I reached marriageable age , I was not asked to carry program booklets anymore , rather carry myself with grace. I didnt make much of an impression on the hunts , as I was living in Mumbai and in advertising ... My patti wasnt sure if the Mylapore crowd would find that a red flag . So I actually got to enjoy kutcheris with just the requisite of having to look like a good family girl.

The crowd at the sabhas seem to now include the NRI brigade who are now the backbone at many sabhas. They take over all the hotels near by and can be spotted in their haversack with a bisleri bottle and sanitiser. The mami´s will be in the most brightest silks . The NRi with his flowing kurta, crocs and a little fruit of the loom vest peeping out is the most knowledgeable. He shuns the oily food , brings his own pecan nuts , takes out his kindle and never misses a beat. They usually know the musicians well and will tell you of how Sanjay stayed at their home in LA and Aww did he like my pongal. And then continue inga mari illa mami .

Now as a married woman I get to enjoy kutcheris , watch the mami´s still in their lovely silks discussing the singer´s vaira thodu and pothy´s pattu very much like how MS blue became a rage with the elderly women.The canteens have become very important. The caterer in the canteen reflects on the management of the sabha. Some mama´s can be seen sneaking out to have a bonda and halwa while mami is inside lost in the music . One mama confessed , mami romba strict , cholestrol irokono so only olive oil and oats at home. The crowd in the sabhas are as knowledgeable about the RTP as they are about the bonda chutney outside. Many youngsters throng the sabhas and clearly the accent is on the arts . Wannabe mamis like myself in our designer cottons and clutch bags keep a keen eye on little girls in pavadais . Just to see if they put thalam in the kutchery and one day become a modern girl with traditional values.
Till then we have put away our music booklets away and warmly await the next margazhi when chennai puts out its most melodious face.

Navratri

As a six year old, I waited for the nine days of kolu . It first meant quarterly exams and a quarter of school year had finished. It also meant I would get a pattu pavadai . See on my paternal side I am the only girl . The family legend has it that Goddess Meenakshi was invoked to deliver me thus and my Patti thought my name as Meenalochini would be more apt . Thanks to being the only girl available on hand. the elder women would run riot at my expense. First a patti pavadai , then amma pavadai would be bought. Then my maternal grandma from Mumbai would buy a gagra choli . Now all this had to be designed for the nine days of festivities. Then the three women ,the two grand mothers and mother would catch me and sock me into a corner . Then decide to plait my hair with the whole of Chennai´s flower market . Well people who have seen me know I am not peitite but just made small, at age 6 trust me that size was smaller than small. with the burden of Flowers I could barely lift off ground. But the two grandmas would have their typical in our family the tradition is ... well it ended in dousing a flower basket on my little head .
After I was able to get myself on two limbs the next was the careful planning of what song to sing in whose house. The pattu master would be asked to teach me navratri songs. Well it would always end up as Ra re venu or vara veena . When my mom realised I was singing the same song after three navratri editions she decided singing was not my thing much to the relief of the poor bhagavathar.
Once all the ladies were dressed ,we would pile ourselves into an ambassador car and drive from navratri to navratri .
It is one time of the year when women don't stay home after 5 , eat junk food, come back late and only worry about the next day´s pattu sari. Now , at navratris the sundal is the highlight . From pattu mami´s kondai kadalai sundal being too salty to the kerala mami´s payuru sundal doused in coconut . We would eat the packet and then criticise the contents. I would be content sitting in the front seat of the ambassador eating all the sundal and happy that home work was such a distant concept.

Some over enthusiastic mamis will tell sundal only if you sing. Ok mami if you insist I will belt out ra ra venu for the 100 th time .
Now kolus come in different varieties- the eating ones and the decorative ones. The eating ones are with that sole purpose , you go there say hi , caress some silk saris , some jimkis , roll call on marriages and then go for the bonda bajjis. I love the bondas with chutney and kesari. Over the years the mamis have started adding pizzas and noodles . I was so happy that I didnt have to come home and have to slug through amma´s nutritious meal schemes.

The decorative kolus , the category where our family is the heavy weight ,is all about bringing out the dolls. The dolls in our house belonged to my paternal great grand mother . so the dolls do not have sri devi´s nose and aishwarya rai´s pout. We have two gowri bommais that is the pride of our navratri. Every year the dolls are dressed to theme . We managed some years even changing their sex by adding fillings in require areas !!the doll´s dresses were stitched from dupattas and the theme was highly debated at home. The whole family would paint , cut , stick and polish.

Always before the first guest arrived one part of the mountain landscape usually the mountain itself, would rumble and some cotton wool would fall over. This was interpretd as a good omen, removing all the bad eyes for the evening.

As the years progressed , navratris had a more sinister meaning. My grandmom would coax me to invite any girl from an age group of 15 up wards . She would then say Ponnu yaaru. Aaah padivala? . And she would then annpunce annaku pakalam . I would then say No patti , she is a mean girl doesnt share her food .... I couldn't think of having any of my friends married to my brother . My patti would then say ivala nambina kalyaname nadakathu.

If any girl wore any jewellery worth the bling. Patti would put on her glasses and pour closely at the yellow metal .

When i graduated from the pavadai davani to sari. My role in the navratri world changed. It was no longer eating humble sundal. I constantly had to answer what my future plans were and how I was modern girl with family outlook . whatever that meant.

By this time the sundal itself was slowly disappearing and the grand sweets and sri krishna took over. The ladoo mixture combo reigned supreme . The thamboolam got fancier with disco bindi and fancy kumkum.

Many years I was away during kolu and would try to re create my own sad kolu. All the trunks would be dressed in table cloth and all the 4 dolls arranged to bring on volume . A whole day of slogging to make indian sundal eatable by spanish women. My maid would make gazpacho with coriander for the Indian touch. She tried making other stuff until i made her understand that our gods were fussy eaters and ate only stuff they knew . Clams and gamba al ajillo are not their thing. She found that strange that our gods ate our food and were fussy too!!The spanish women would all come, put on their bindis sing besame mucho eat their sundals and keep chatting till 10 at night. My mother once witnessed this spectacle and said it was the most tiring kolu she saw.

After years, I am in Chennai dressing dolls before navratri . My hair is what my Patti would call bob cut . The doll´s dresses are now all got ready-made. We insisted that kolu has to be a home grown initiative , so we sent the dolls blouse to our local tailor. He became all excited and stitched Sita´s forest garb with all kinds of fancy cuts that she looks more like a model for forest fashion 2010. We have laid out fresh lawn and try hard to keep the little ones of the house away including a dog that finds it disorienting to have a garden in a bed room .

The sundal packets are getting ready and the dolls have all been taken out for their 9 days of glory under the made in china decorative lights. We the women are dotting round town with packets in hand . People now dont ask me do I sing but rather do I play chess ? One lady wanted to know if I could have a chess theme navratri . Well someone did Michael Jackson .... If Chennai Navratri has evolved to beat it a check mate cant be very far away

The Voice of God

Chennai has been through the month of Aadi. Apart from everything being on discount we have had our ears seared with blaring music from all temples . Every weekend the local temples put a loudspeaker , make porridge and generally see that we all wake up in a bad mood and black eyed.
Why do we need loudspeakers in temple. Is it for us to know there is God , is it that loudspeakers are just cheap , or more importantly is it for god to hear his disciples. Imagine God up there every year has this loudspeaker gone wild session. He or she would would ensure us yes he or she do exist and they do not have a hearing problem .
After a weekend of an Aaatha screaming woodstock kind of fest , I was in no mood for another weekend of Aatha being drummed down my ears. So at 4.30 a.m. I call the police station and tell Saar what is the rule for loudspeaker , The police says SI speaking 6 am ma . OK saar we cant sleep the noise is unbearable . Within ten minutes the jeep comes , the police man calls me and says ma we are here what do you want us to do. I say Saar you hear a deafening noise chase them . Aah you want us to follow the noise . Yes I say, Ok OK . We will put on our siren and scare them. Then after ten minutes we hear Aaatha on a fainter note and tug at our blankets.When SI calls Madam can we see you . See me ? For what Si. So that ma you know we came . I said I know you came. I am not flashing my nightie at a pot bellied cop at 4 am . So ten minutes later the aaatha volume is turned up again. I call my friendly SI .. and say saar no respect for the police these people have turned up the volume . He says dont worry mam god is there he will teach them a lesson . I say Saar you see God doesnt take complaints and come with a siren so I cant tell him in a direct way .
BUt God if you are up there please dont wait till after life to throw the aatha brigade in hell .. just mute their loudpspeakers for now...